youtubeyoutubeyoutube!!!

was just watching shlomo mintz (sibelius, finale) and it suddenly hit me how little i've been concentrating on the sound that i play. too much music in your head hurts your playing. it's almost mechanical, the way he concentrates solely and so precisely on the finger, hand and arm muscles is exactly what my teacher's been nagging at these four years! and it took me this long to realise. love my teacher for so being so tireless. and LOVE SHLOMO MINTZ! (but didn't my teacher just criticise him a few months ago? hm. dunno)

shrugs

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

having said that

it seems playing the violin (or on any other instrument, for that matter) isn't fun at all. NOT ONE BIT. quite contrary to e usual expectations, eh? professional music's all about how much devilish control u have over your movements - and micro-movements - that there's no time for u to enjoy yourself. so much for artistry, eh? on the other hand, the more u do enjoy yourself, the more rubbish the poor audience is bound to hear. and i'm a living testament to that. no wonder i can't even play as well as those people whose playing i deem inconsequential. so rude of me, yes, but it's true (that i think of them that way, not that it's 'true' their playing is silly). nope. maybe the joy comes from HAVING performED well. just maybe. i'll just have to find out myself.

but for now

BACK TO YOUTUBE!

(p.s. if watching youtube is piracy then i don't know what others' self-uploaded free videos are. oh well, just a thought.)

:D

p.s. note to self: musicality = breaking as many rules as possbile within the limits of acceptibility. been breaking far too many rules to have anything left to hear.

that's why cannot 'enjoy' playing too much.

so there.

if anyone else happens to be reading this part, apologies for the rant. congrats to me, i now look like a decided show-off, but it's kinda hard for me to look for something to scribble moments of epiphany on without losing it in a few hours so this is a last resort - typing it in the blog which isn't really one (now that i use it as a scratch-post). haha.

go us struggling music students.